Student Writing: The Final Frontier

Trying to get students to write effectively is probably the most complex and daunting task of an English teacher. The general concern is, "there are so many facets to effective writing...what do I do if my students are horrible at all of them?" I have received a number of student essays from various teachers asking roughly the same question.

Here is one such essay, submitted by a high school English teacher (teaching primarily Juniors) from Maine:

Prompt: Pick one social problem we face in America, and propose a solution.

Sex is becoming a problem. Kids are getting pregnant at early ages. They are getting STD’s.

You could help this by getting people fixed when they are young. They can have this reversed whenever they want kids. The only bad thing is that it could become permanent and you would never be able to have kids again. Or it could come undone and you may have kids early.
Another thing is to wear condoms. Condoms are 99% effective at blocking STDs or pregnancies. It not hard to put on and it use it right. Then again, condoms do break every now and then.

Abstinence is the best choice. There is no way to get pregnant or get an STD when your abstinent. The only bad part is you can’t have sex.

In my opinion sex is becoming more of a problem. So I think everyone should get fixed. Then we can do anything we want to.

So... obviously there are a number of problems with this example. The question is: how do we, as teachers, systematically tackle each problem without overloading the student with comments, and also ensure that we are not taking 30 minutes to grade each paper?

A technique that I use is to break the paper into two large subdivisions: format and content (each accounting for 50% of the total grade). In the "format" section I critique grammar, spelling, margins, font size, spacing, etc. In the "content" section I critique logic, flow, clarity of ideas, relevance to the prompt, etc. In terms of commenting, in the "format" section, I offer broad suggestions using a few examples from the paper; and in the "content" section, I simply ask questions or make a few general statements. This approach gives me a general plan of attack and direction for each paper, and it keeps the student from getting back a paper that has been completely scribbled out in red pen.

Here is an example of what the aforementioned paper might look like after I had made my comments:


Sex is becoming a problem. Kids are getting pregnant at early ages. They are getting STD’s.

You could help this by getting people fixed when they are young. They can have this reversed whenever they want kids. The only bad thing is that it could become permanent and you would never be able to have kids again. Or it could come undone and you may have kids early.

Another thing is to wear condoms. Condoms are 99% effective at blocking STDs or pregnancies. It not hard to put on and it use it right. Then again, condoms do break every now and then.

Abstinence is the best choice. There is no way to get pregnant or get an STD when your abstinent. The only bad part is you can’t have sex.

In my opinion sex is becoming more of a problem. So I think everyone should get fixed. Then we can do anything we want to.


Format

• Make sure to double space the entire paper, not just between paragraphs.
• Do not speak in second person (this is not a note to me).
• “Your” and “you’re” are not the same.
• Do not use contractions.
• Do not begin a sentence with a conjunction (like, "Or it could come undone").
• Do not end a sentence with a preposition (like, "anything we want to").
• Try reading your paper out loud to ensure that it sounds the way you want it to. This will help you avoid careless mistakes and awkward sentences.

Content

• Is sex a problem, is teen pregnancy a problem, or are STD’s a problem?
• You say that “sex is becoming more of a problem.” More of a problem than what?
• Should both men and women be “fixed”?
• Are there currently surgeries that could be used to “fix” people, or would new medical techniques need to be created?
• What, specifically, does the word “anything” mean when you say, “Then we can do anything we want to?”
• What exactly is “another thing” in the statement, “Another thing is to wear condoms?”
• Which solution would be the best? Focus on that one alone.
• If you present problems, you must also present solutions.

The highlighted sections of the paper correlate to the comments below, and they act as a guide as the student reads the comments. This way students are not trying to decipher comments in the margins or between lines. The comments are specific enough to give the student direction, but general enough to not write the paper for them and maintain the student's creativity.

In this specific case, if this were the final draft, I would give the paper a 35/50 on format and a 20/50 on content: 55/100 total, or 55%.

Twilight: I've Heard that Story Before...

Based on the overwhelming success of the Twilight series comes a push to make some classic literature more accessible to a teen audience (see link below). These new Twilight infused editions of Romeo and Juliet, Pride and Prejudice, and Wuthering Heights would make a great addition to any classroom, eighth grade and above.

These editions are great illustrations of the universality of themes though the ages. I believe that they help to show students that though these classic works are stylistically different (from each other as well as from modern literature), the basic stories are the same as the popular works of today: namely, in this case, Twilight.

I have personally seen all three new editions at my local Barnes and Noble, and was most impressed with Romeo and Juliet. Both Pride and Prejudice and Wuthering Heights are simply the unabridged novels with new covers; however, the new Romeo and Juliet is much more. Preceding the complete script is a re-telling of the story in the form of a letter from Juliet to her parents (this letter is actually written in the voice of Bella from Twilight). Following the play, there is a fashion magazine style quiz where the reader rates his/her relationships against Romeo and Juliet's. Right up the teen alley!

I definitely recommend taking a look at these editions, and if the funds allow, I recommend hitting up your media specialist for a class set or three.

Here is the link:
http://dazzledbytwilight.com/twilight-themed-classic-novels-available-for-pre-order-at-dazzled-by-twilight/

Enjoy!

The Amazing World of Student Written Essays

This essay was sent to me by a teacher in Detroit as a response to "The Case for the Zero." It was so stellar that I had to give it a post of its own. This is an actual student written essay, and I have deleted the names so as to keep the author and sender's anonymity secure.

This teacher's question was, "How, in good conscience, can I possible give this a 50%?"

Alright English teachers... what would you do with this? Expect my comments shortly.

"I received this essay from a High School freshman. The assignment was to write a persuasive essay about a topic that is important to you. This essay was typed as it was turned in; no spell check, no grammar check. Vilence=Violence, etc."

Oh Gosh! There is so much going on in the world. The law needs to be chanced about Gang Vilence. I think gang vilence would save more people, help more family relationships, prevent crime rate, and save more lives. Gang vilence is very difficult to deal with. With it more young kids would be protected by there own.

From a good prospective gang vilence brings the family closer together. It help the kids come to the parents about anything when in need of advice and help. Also parent will have more respect from the children. When in some situations so deep as gang vilence children and parent will be so close that they will get to the point to sharing almost everything with each other. Most important they wont argue about little stuff and there respect level will be very strong.

Gang vilence has alot of meaning. It means protecting each-other, committment, friendship, loyalty and strength. It can prevent a big dose of crime rate. More young youth will stay out of jail and live good clean lives. They will be more cauious and safe. More families will sleep at night without having to know that there children are not protected. Also even want to help there friend help there communtiy. Good thoughts and futures for children and parents because by having gangs the youth can have some kind of future.

If the gangs are protecting there-selfs there is nothing to worry about. Gang vilence could save more lives. Parents would also worry less! They will stay out of trouble and do the right thing. There will be less accidents happening in the community. Most important kids would attend school more and actually graduate from high school with a diploma.

In conclucion, Gang Vilence has been known as a dangerous and deadly situation. I think gangs should be allowed more kids will be safe. Also parent wouldn’t have to worry as much. The community would be better and kids working together. Kids would stay out of trouble and in school. And many more would live.

Inspirational Slideshow

Through my Internet travels today, I came across this short slideshow. Take a look, and perhaps you can find some inspiration as well.

http://www.heartofateachermovie.com/